A Mother, A Wife & (place evil music here) DUN DUN DUN...Epileptic

That's right I said that word that many people do not understand. Epilepsy is the most misunderstood and most hidden brain disorder in the world. Whenever I say I have Epilepsy people automatically think that when I have a seizure I flop around like a fish out of water and swallow my tongue. WRONG!!! I do not do any of those things. I actually suffer from complex partial seizures. That means I do fall to the floor ( or anywhere for that matter) and my consciousness is impaired. For those who are not familiar with Epilepsy, Seizures where you do jerk around on the floor are called Grand Mal seizures & there are many different types of seizures. Having a Seizure disorder is very dangerous since we could have an "episode" as we call it at anytime, anywhere and all of us with Epilepsy have different things that trigger seizures. So given that a seizure can strike at anytime it is hard for us to sometimes go about a simple day. My seizures are triggered by stress, lack of sleep, different light patterns, over physical exertion and some smells making my everyday activities a gamble because I am a Mother.

I was diagnosed on my 16 birthday with Epilepsy. Trust me not the words I want to hear on my birthday. Going through High School is tough enough as a teen but having a disorder that makes fall to the floor at anytime made it that much worst. People at my school would talk about me saying that I was faking the whole thing looking for attention. Trust me lying on the floor while wearing kilt is NOT the attention I would like. Not too mention hitting my head off of various things does not tickle and wanting that feeling to get attention is not my idea of fun. Having Epilepsy was something I was embarrassed of having as a teen. I knew one day I would be faced with the thought of having kids and would be a big mountain to overcome. Given that pregnancy is hard enough on a woman's body, throwing in that I have Epilepsy would make it that much harder and scared the living shit out of me.

Well finally one day I ended up with the sweet surprise of pregnancy. I was going to be a Mommy!!! First excitement set in and then the sound of all my doctors yelling at me filled my head. Once my doctor confirmed I was pregnant, the craziness started. I was booked to see my neurologist & the obstetrician at 15 weeks pregnant. Normally you see your OB at 26 weeks. I had to go for MRIs and EEGs once a month. I was also taken off my medication since the side effects to the baby could be fatal. We were told the chances of our baby having a cleft palette or spina bifida are pretty high given that I have been taking anti seizure medicine for 7 years. Now passing Epilepsy on to my baby was another risk that may happen,but my fingers and toes where crossed that my baby would never have to go through what I have already endured. My pregnancy was not piece of cake. I had countless doctors appointments to make sure the baby was okay and to make sure that I was feeling fine too. Since I was off my medicine, I was trying not to think about the fact that I could have a seizure triggered my body going through this change but my doctors kept reminding me everyday.

At 32 weeks pregnant I was taken to the hospital with severe pains in my stomach. My OB came into the room and checked me over. Well it turns out that I was starting to go into labour due to my body being stressed. The doc immediately started to push meds through my body to stop the fact that this baby was coming. Thankfully she stopped Xavier from coming out too early. She also talked to me about my final birth plan. Actually it was a discussion about what she was going to do to me and I had to go along with it. She decided that being induced at 38 weeks (if I could make it to then) would be best for the safety of the baby and was afraid that I could have a seizure brought on by stress. The doctor told me that she would be giving me an epidural no matter what due to the fact that labour could through me into one of my episodes and would have to a C-Section. I was also ordered to bed rest for the final weeks of my pregnancy.

On November 10th 2009 at 3:45pm I gave birth to my son Xavier. I ended up 38 weeks and had a completely normal delivery despite all the worries the doctors had. He also came out without any medical issues. He was healthy and absolutely handsome. I can not believe I had just given birth to my son, and all my fears of having a seizure during labour where gone. But the threat of having seizures where not gone.

A few weeks after giving birth I had a seizure at 3 or 4 am due to lack of sleep. It took my husband by surprise and was scared for me. Thank Goddess at that moment I was not holding my Son.

I have been medication free for over a year now and have had only 1 seizure since being off of it. The threat is still there every single day but I try not to let it take me over and stop me from enjoying spending time with my Son. I go on living my day raising Him and hoping that he will not have Epilepsy. But for now I do not hide the fact that I have Epilepsy and would like to educate others about it. I am definitely not ashamed of who I am and not afraid to say that I have Epilepsy

Not your average Belly Casting

When women are pregnant they sometimes like to make or do something to remind them of how you looked pregnant. I did the typical photo shoot but I really wanted something a little different. I know there a quiet a few women who do the belly casting. I did it and displayed it at my baby shower to show how creative I love being. I got some great feedback from doing the casting. My mothers best friend was asking me where I got the materials to do this. Just as I was talking about where I got the items to make this beautiful masterpiece of a pregnant belly this look of disappointment came over me. My best friend Jackie looked at me and was like "I know that face..you are thinking its too bland right?". BINGO!!! Anyone who knows me plain white is not my cup of tea.

I got the brilliant idea of painting the belly casting with filigree (my fav), and make it something that I am sure not too many women have done. Just as I was looking through my pregnancy scrapbook I made, an idea bashed me over the head. I decided why not paint the ultrasound picture onto the belly part. I know brilliant right?? Well this isn't the first time I have painted things like this. I did a painting of an ultrasound for my best friend for a baby shower gift to her. Being experienced in painting the strange I went and painted it. It turned out better than I had imagined it!!!! I hope I have inspired other woman to be more creative with their casting they have done themselves. Go ahead and show off that belly...with a twist of course!!!

6 Months Deep in Motherhood...Still Feels Surreal for Me

Booo for this week so far. Both my husband and I have ended up with sore throats. I hope that we will be better for this weekend as it is going to be mothers day. It will be my first official mothers day. It is going to be very weird for me since I never thought I would be celebrating mothers day at the age of 23. I know some mother celebrate at a much younger age. Even though Xavier is 6 months old I still can not get over that I am mother. Its still kinda a weird thing for me. When does that feeling of looking at your child and actually believe He is yours??? I mean I know He is mine but I still feel like wow He grow inside of me. Hmm I wonder if people who have been parents for many years have that feeling too???

He wouldn't stay on his back long enough for me to change his diaper

Anyways Xavier celebrated his first Earth day this year and for that day we planted a White Spruce. The kind people at Square One Mall in Mississauga where giving them away to promote for people to plant trees that are so desperately needed these days.All the money that people donated that day was given to the Credit Valley Conservation. It disgust me how much our town has changed. It used to be full of farmland and now its just one big huge development. They don't seem to think of the pros of keeping trees in our universe:

1. Animals use them for homes
   
2. They are beautiful
   
3. Great for hiding in when being chased zombies(lol..you never know, just saying it could happen)
   
4. They produce Oxygen for us...with them we will need to be using chambers to breathe with.

So given the points I have expressed above...you WOULD think they would consider those facts. I know there are many more factors why we should keep tress but those are my reasons. So I leave you with a couple pictures of the past couple weeks...

Blessed Be, Junipur Zombie

Just because Sideways Trees are wayyy cooler than trees that go straight up duh!!!

Xavier 5 months...and the teehing monster has possesed him

AHHHHHH, so I knew this day was coming soon. The teethin gmonster has possesed my child. I don't like it one bit. Poor little man is suffering. I found an all natural teething medication for babies and it works like a charm. It is called Camilia and you can find it in Canada at a Shoppers Drug Mart. I swear the teething fairy is helping me beat this demon that has taken over my child.

Anywho, Proffessor X is now 5 months old. I can not believe how time flies. The doctor says his size is off the carts for his age. At 4 months he weighed 18lbs 6 ounces....oh boy...at his 6 month check up I am afraid to hear how big he is now...lol. Well I am so happy that he is healthy and getting so big given that at 4 weeks things were not looking so promising.

Soon the weather will be warm enough to take Xavier to his first circle. That will be Beltane and we will dance the maypole!!!! YAHHHH!!!!! I always act like I am from the 80's music video"Safety Dance". Tehehehhehe I love that I am a geek sometimes...lol.

He are some photos of my boy at 5 months old.....

Primo & Prima

Professor X and Mama

When Infant Spit Up Isn't Normal = Pyloric Stenosis

We all know that babies spit up from time to time. Sometimes when it is after every meal that could be signs of a more serious problem. I am writing this to make other parents aware of a condition called Pyloric Stenosis. My son Xavier had this and was treated for it when he was only 5 weeks old. I had a fairly normal pregnancy. Morning sickness is a lie...it's more like all day sickness!!! Anyways like I said I had a fairly normal pregnancy. I gave birth to my son November 10th 2009. I was 38 weeks pregnant and labour was induced. He came out very healthy despite the doctors telling me that he could have had more severe health issues due to me being epileptic and taking anti seizure medicine since I was 14. He was the perfect baby. Quiet, slept all the time. At 3 weeks old I started to notice that keeping his food in his was starting to become a challenge. When I took him for his 4 week check up with the doctor I asked about him spitting up all his food and if that was normal. He of course said everything was fine and try a soy based formula. I had to give my son formula after a couple days of being born since I ended up getting an infection and was unable to breastfeed which I was sad and happy about at the same time. Sad because that is what I wanted to do from the start and happy because breastfeeding hurts like a mofo!!!! Anyways going on...I am like a goldfish...my attentions span is limited...lol!!! So with the doctor telling me everything is okay I thought "well he is a doctor and knows better". WRONG!!!!

The Friday of the same week Xavier had his 4 week check up I took him to the doctors. Even after the doctor telling em everything is okay, my mother spidey senses kicked in and I just knew something wasn't right. At the hospital they told me that he was fine. They didn't even do any scans or check to make sure nothing was wrong. Two days later things took a turn for the worst. He was looking very pale, darkness around his eyes, not keeping food in and crying constantly. At this point I was so scared for my baby. In the car on the way to the hospital I mention to my Husband that something is wrong. He is not fine and is really sick. When I got to the hospital for the second time in two days they looked at me weird for being back. I said to the nurse as politely as I could "Listen to me, He is not keeping his food down. I am not leaving until a doctor sees him again and does some scans on him". So They let me in to see the doctor. After waiting 12 hours at the hospital things were suddenly moving so fast. The doctor told me that I was right that he was not okay and needed to have surgery right away. They diagnosed him with a condition called Pyloric Stenosis.

WHAT IS PYLORIC STENOSIS???

Pyloric Stenosis is the narrowing of the Pylorus, the lower part of the stomach through which food and other stomach contents pass through to enter the small intestine. The Pylorus becomes so enlarged to the point food and other contents are prevented from emptying out of the stomach. The condition is fairly common and is more times more likely to occur in first born males.

We were rushed from the hospital we were at in Newmarket to Downtown Toronto within the hour to Sick Kids Hospital. The hospital we were at were not equipted enough to that surgery. A week later on December 18th 2009, Xavier had his surgery lapriscopicaly at the sweet age of 5 weeks old. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him go through everything that he went through. I am so glad Sick Kids Hospital was great to us and made us as comfortable as possible while Xavier was staying there.

Sometimes when your doctor says your baby is okay, follow your instinct that sometimes it's not okay. It just goes to show Mothers really do know best!!!

This is of Xavier two Days after his Surgery. As you can see one of the bandages above his bellybutton

Celebrating Xavier's First Easter...ZOMBIESTYLE!!!

This Easter I would have to say is by far the best one I have ever celebrated. Xavier was celebrating his first Easter!!! with unfortunately He couldn't have any chocolate because...well simply because he is a baby. He got a Skeleanimal Monkey from Andrew and I which he just rubbed all over his face. He also got a box of Mum Mums which are baby crackers for those who are not familiar with them. He gave me the funniest expression when he started sucking on them. I wish I had the camera out for that one!!! I ended making the whole dinner which consisted of Meatloaf and Salad. It was so filling and yummy. I am not just saying that since I had made it....or maybe I am!!!! This year was the first year I got the chance to spend it with everyone. Usually I only spend it with my Mom and Stepfather but this year was a doozy. Now that Xavier is in the picture, everyone wants to get the chance to see him. On Good Friday we went to my Father and Stepmothers house to have dinner. All her sisters were there with their husbands and kids. It was a nice feeling seeing everyone.

Onward with this babbling!!!! LOL. Xavier is now 5 months old. I need to tape open my eyes since he is growing so fast. I feel like just yesterday I gave birth to him minus the pain. The pain is something I have chosen to erase from my brain. he now laughs at us when we tickle him. It is just the most amazing feeling in the world to hear your child's laugh for the first time. Xavier also has this weird fascination with his feet. His father loves feet and I have a funny feeling that Xavier will too. 5 months old also means the teething stage has begun. Oh boy!!!! Just when I thought sleep and I could be friends again...WRONG!!!! So long my lovely friend....we shall meet again someday!!!! High hopes I have that is for sure.

I was talking with a girl I knew from elementary school and she was saying how some people are so rude to women who are having children so young. She is 20. My mother was 20 when she gave birth to me. It doesn't mean that you are any less irresponsible..it just sometimes means that you may have to try harder to support your child. In some cases you are not fully done with your education and could make it difficult to finish if you get lost and forget what you are working towards. Balancing everything can be easy if you let it. I understand where she is coming from with people being rude sometimes. I believe I may have mentioned in an earlier blog post that a lady had approached me about my baby..saying how cute he is. The words that flew out of her mouth next were shocking. She had the nerve to ask when I was going to grow into being a Mother. I found that so rude and got me fired up. I barked back at her asking "is it because I am young... Or is it because I was dressed different from others"(ie goth clothing, dark makeup)???? I also just said to her "the way I am dressed does not mean I am going to be a horrible mother". Some people need to rethink the fact that we are not from Leave it to Beaver...and not everyone looks the same.

Some people will never learn how to be nice. That is what I have convinced myself. A shame really...there are some people out there that seem like they are worth getting to know.

Gamer DILF with pretty, pretty hair

Gamer DILF with pretty, pretty hair

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Visit www.offbeatmama.com to enjoy an encouraging website that features Mothers who are integrating their pre-kid identities into their everyday Mothering. So glad there is something out there that showcases families that are different...and of course the weekly DILFs are great!!! This week they feature the lovely man that is in my life as the DILF of this week.....LOVE IT!!!!!

Having Fun and Being a Mom can work!!!

My biggest thing I get told everyday is "you shouldn't be goin gout to concerts all the time...you are a Mother now..act accordingly" WTF???? Act accordingly??? Why do I have to change just because I am Mother. Being a mother doesn't mean I have to shapeshift into another person. I can be who I am and be a Mother. There is no handbook on how you are supposed to be or act. Concerts are my favorite thing and I would never give that up just because people say I should. It's not my fault they want to become so domestic and loose themselves. You know when I was leaving to go to the concert my first thought was how can I bring him with me??? I know he is too young right now. Once he is bigger you bet I will be bringing him to every show I go to that is all ages. My goal is to integrate what Andrew and I love doing the most. Why not have a family night at a concert. Is that such a bad thing??? That is what some people try to make me feel. That I am doing such a horrible act going out to catch a gig. Atleast I am not out gambling or breaking the law. Balancing being a mom and myself is a tough thing to do when you come across people who want to make carbon copies of themselves. Screw that!!! I enjoy who I am and I am sure Xavier would not want me to be anyone less than who I am.

When I was younger I thought I would have to leave my life behind and step into motherhood when it came time for me to have a child.That is what I was told my whole life. As I got older I began to realize that I could keep everything that I have in my life AND be a Mom. It's really not that hard to take a minute and continue with who you were pre baby. Weather you have a high matinence aesthetics or an alternative lifesytle stay true to who you are. Never change because society says so. What works for them doesnt always work for you. Do what works for and stick with that.

Remember,
Be a Mom and Keep It Metal\m/

This Is My Family...and Would Not Change A Thing!!!

My family is the greatest. So multicultural!! I think we have the most mixed family I have seen. My husband is Ecuadorian and the most Handsome man I have ever met. I believe growing up in a family that is mixed race really made me want to spend my life with someone who was different from me. Our son Xavier really resembles my Husband. How lucky is my son to grow up in a family with lots of culture. I know with that he will grow up to respect every color humans come in.

My Husband grew up in a very Spanish family where he was told his whole life to marry a Spanish woman. He said that would never happen and made sure of it because I am a mixed myself just like my son.

My mother is of Irish decent hailing from Northern Ireland. My Father is French Indian. Our Indian side of our family is Iroquois. Let me tell you the Pow Wows are amazing and can not wait to take Xavier to experience one. My Father is married to a woman who is Vietnamese and has lived in Canada since she was 7 years old. Being with that side of the family is fun. Celebrating Chinese New Year is one of the funnest things I experience all year. Lots of great food!!! My Step father is purely French straight out of Quebec. It was great growing up for me being around 4 languages. So that's Vietnamese, French, English(of course) and last but not least Sign Language. Did I forget to mention that my step fathers parents are fully deaf??That's right...so don't whisper around me..I can read lips very well!!!

With having so many cultures in my family definitely comes with different values for each side. My parents are more of the open ones. The respect everything and do not judge others for being different as I learned that at a young age. I was 14 when I found myself practicing Wicca. My Husbands family is a little different. More conservative. I mean they came from a Country where things are different there. The woman does everything in Ecuador. NOT ME!!!! I am not like that for sure. I believe in equality. That Andrew and I should split everything. I'm his Wife..Not Slave!!! Anyways I still love his family deeply. They are the nicest family I have ever come into.

They are definitely very conservative. When I said that I could not wait for Xavier's hair to get longer so I could give him a Mohawk, Andrews mother gasped at the mere thought that her Grandson would have a hairstyle that is not "proper" in their eyes. Though according Andrew, his sister has paved the way for thing that are a little different. When also said that we would allow Xavier to watch Hellraiser they also contested to that saying that he needs to watch "nice things". Nice things mean kiddy shows all the time and shelter him for our lifestyle. With that, they are just going to have respect how Andrew and I would like to raise our Son.

Overall, I belong to a family that is different colors, different sizes, different ways of thinking. No matter how they raised us we will take everything they taught us and use some of things in shaping our Son. Biggest thing is respect. I respect everyone in my family even if they think different from me. Ordinary is boring!!! Maybe I am not the only one offbeat. Maybe they are offbeat in their own way....and am thankful for every last one of them!!!My family is the best!!! Mi familia es para siempre <3

My Husband the wonderful Father

My Husband is the greatest man in the world! He is such a fantastic Father. You know how they say a Mother starts loving a child from the moment they find out they are pregnant and a Father starts loving their child when they see their child at birth. Well Andrew started loving this child at the same moment as me. He is so loving and wants to spend every moment with him. My husband was raised in a family where the Mother was the primary caregiver. His father revealed to us that he has never changed a Diaper in his life. That has changed because of Andrew. He go this father to Chang Xavier's diaper. Was truly a funny thing to watch. Andrew is such a hands on Father. He has helped me from the moment I found out I was pregnant. He would give me massages a to make my back feel better. He helped and encouraged me when I was in labour..and was not scared to watch everything!!!! Like I said an amazing guy. I love him with all my heart!!!! I decided to praise him today in my blog just because he deserves it.

My Baby Boy and His Metallica Shirt

My son having to look just a rockin as his mommy and daddy. He looks just too cute in his Metallica shirt. Hopefully he will be able to show us some horns\m/

Finally Some Relaxation

Today was great. Some relaxation time with the hubby. Went shopping...fed my addiction to shoes. I was a little sad to see that the wiccan shop at the Flea Market in Barrie has downsized. Kinda sucks! Besides that being a bit of a disappointment I had a great day non the less. Now I am sitting at home listening to my Husband play some music. He looks so handsome when he playing his instruments. He is definitely a DILF...lol.

I was looking through the disc I finally received of pictures taken in the past and found some great photos from when my son was born back in November. I look hideous in the pictures but that's what being in labour for 10 hours does to you.

Yesterday I was sitting with Xavier on my bed and realized for a 4 month old, he has great taste in music. He seems to really like Fear Factory. Great...I was hoping he would love Metal just has much as his mommy and daddy. I can't wait for the days when he asks for concert tickets for his birthday. I will gladly buy them for him...as long as I can go too. Anyways...I am off to make some dinner.

Until Next time,
Blessed be

Motherhood.....

Hmmm, Mother. What is that??? Someone living in a predictable world with a child. Changing into that Mother that goes to the mall with other mothers walking for hours talking about how they need to loose the cellulite off their butt??? Is it someone who puts a fake smile on for the world and pretends they are perfect??? No mistakes??? WRONG...not in my world!!!! I am mother of one. I am the "strange" Mother. I go to metal concerts, dress in goth/rockabilly clothing, watch Horror movies with my common law husband and laugh at the people dying. Morbid I know but It truly makes me laugh. I am the mother that will dress up with my son and run around the yard pretending that I am an alien too. Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. But my biggest trait about me that makes me different in my community, household, family is that I am a Practicing Wiccan.

The town I am from is different. Small, filled with Catholics and born again Christians. I am looked upon as the "devil worshipping Mother" or so I think that's what they are thinking. Choosing to raise my child with wiccan values and going against not raising him Catholic seems like an outrage you would think....but it is not. My family is great. They respect that I want to raise my son with Wiccan Values. Teach him to respect the earth we live in. Give thanks to Goddess and God for life. Let me tell you it is not is easy as wiccan mother....but that is okay with me.

I know when my son gets older he may not choose to be Wiccan and that is okay with me. In my religion I am told to respect others and their choices. My hope is that He will find something that makes sense to him and makes him happy in life. Even if it means he is not a Wiccan. I just hope that when he get older he will respect the values he was raised with and never forget what I have taught him.

Until next time,
Stay Metal \m/
Junipur Zombie